Last week, as I was re-reading a post from my old blog, I came up with an idea that I'm now on a mission to explore how to make it happen!
So, before I share my idea, below is an excerpt from that post following my arrival at the E.R. in January 2009:
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Honestly, the experience was somewhat surreal & very much felt like I was cast in a reality t.v. show, much like Big Brother because of being locked in one space with a group of strangers as diverse as a Manhattan McDonald's. I only wish my terrible thoughts & feelings had been part of a script!
...It was pretty much what you'd expect of a psych ward & ironically, exactly opposite of what you think would actually help a depressed, suicidal patient recover.
One bone I have to pick about my please-save-my-life hospital arrival is the fact that I had to be "interviewed" with 3 pages of questions by 4 different people - the E.R. nurse, E.R. doc, admitting nurse, AND the social worker...all while in a mind-set of "I don't feel like talking. Just leave me alone before I grab your ink pen & stab myself!" I mean, seriously folks...it's 2009, get a more efficient system in place for our poor depressed, panic attack souls!
I walked into a completely empty room - only a white bed, dresser & an empty closet-looking thingamajig. There were no photos on the walls, no lamps, no t.v., no radio, no chairs. Their only effort in trying to add some sort of soothing design to a room about to be occupied by someone at their lowest low were light-blue painted walls & a large window. Oh yeah, & outside our room, hung a sign that said "Catch a Falling Star."
It didn't look like a hospital room - it looked like a dorm room from WHU [Welcome to Hell University].
The hallways always appeared dark & there was a large lounge area with the one t.v, puzzles, games, books, crafts, refrigerator, etc. This was shared by the rest of the depressed, angry, frustrated, hopeless "Real Psych Patients of Pott County" cast...of complete strangers.
We had to be in street clothes in order to be outside our room [of course nothing with draw strings], so again, unlike a normal hospital wing, we didn't wear robes. We had no access to any of our belongings unless we asked& were with a nurse.
...It was frightening at first. I felt as though I couldn't escape - all the doors, including the elevator were locked. Visiting hours were only 3 hours of the day & even the nurse had to let them down the elevator. It was too quiet to sleep in my room, so I asked the nurse for a portable [wireless, obviously] radio. For most of my time there, I could not eat more than a couple bites...I felt hungry, but I just couldn't eat - it was very bizarre. Depression also takes its toll on a person physically. I could have been released one day earlier, but I lacked confidence in entering the world again out of fear that my thoughts of suicide would return. Although I was glad I stayed that last day, I didn't get much sleep. Some old lady who should have been on a different floor kept yelling "HELP! ... HELP ME" down the hall all...night...long. Not only was it annoying, I'm in a psych ward, that shit freaks me out!
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What do I want to do? I want to call hospitals to see if [with a little help from my friends], could volunteer to paint murals of HOPE with happy colors glowing throughout the dismal, depressing hallways of psychiatric units. It could be there is a reason why they appear the way they are, but maybe it's also because no one has initiated interest in it. When it comes to trying to inspire others, it never hurts to try... just like Ghandi's quote: "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Although I was an art major who hated her Color Theory class in college because of the limited freedom for creativity & monotonous assignments, I'm pretty sure I recall the psychology of color & what's currently being used in hospitals just doesn't scream, "be still...be comforted...have hope...you are a person of worth...feel better soon."
So, that is what I will be looking into while off work next month!